Grief

I have had a horrible week. Although when I went to the doctor she told me nothing was fractured or loose, and that I was still healing well, it didn't cheer me up. In fact, very little cheered me up. I managed to make everyone in my life angry with me, because I was so self-absorbed that I wasn't "there" for any of them, although I thought I was running around trying to help everyone.

Finally I began to think that, four and a half months out from the hip replacement, still in (some) pain and still limping or leaning, I am mourning the loss of my youth. Or at least that part of my youth represented by the ability to walk gracefully without shifting and leaning from side to side or limping. When I was younger, no one could notice I had scoliosis. Now my right shoulder is visibly raised all the time. And no amount of exercise that I've done so far has been able to impact this.

I have tried very hard to embrace wisdom, age gracefully, etc., but I think I must be fooling myself.